Grade 6: Sex and Purity
Goal: Your student should understand Christian sexual ethics. Encourage your student to participate in a pledge of purity.
Your student needs to know what the Bible says about sex. Sex is a great thing! After all God created us and designed us for sex. However, culture pushes extremely different views about sex on tweens and teens. Basically, culture says do whatever sexually pleases you with whoever you would like, whenever you want. But God’s Word describes sex as the most intimate connection reserved only between a husband and wife who have made a lifetime commitment to one another. That’s a much different picture than what our culture is trying to paint!
Before we begin to think about what is important for you to communicate to your son or daughter about sex and sexual purity, remember these things. They are learning about sex and or the things involved in sexual promiscuity in a number of different ways. They are seeing and hearing about it every day in the various forms of media and social media that they use. They are hearing comments, jokes, conversations, etc. at school or during the extracurricular activities that they are involved in. Besides that, they are just curious kids and they want to know more. So know that most likely they know more than what you think they know, but they are just not sure if this is a ‘safe’ topic to bring up or not.
Our desire is that you begin this conversation by building a strong foundation of truth about sex and purity before they begin picking up what culture or what others tell them. With that said, you know your child best and can decide if now or in six months or a year is the appropriate time to start talking about sex and sexual purity. Just don’t wait too late.
Let’s face it, this topic can be a little awkward to talk about both for you and your child. But the best way to address it is just to talk openly and straight forward about it. Don’t be embarrassed to talk about it or come up with code names for body parts. The better you handle the discussion and the better they will. Make sure to keep the lines of communication open. It may take several conversations over a period of time as they process things. So make sure they know that you are there for them and want to be the one they talk to and that you are approachable anytime about this topic.
We are going to assume that if you have sixth grade kids and are reading this that you are capable of teaching your kids about the parts of the body and how sex works. You know the typical “birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees” conversation! However, our focus is that you approach that conversation from a biblical perspective. So here are several biblical principles to help guide your conversation.
Again, sex is a great thing! When God created man on day six, we were the pinnacle of His creation. Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” (Genesis 1:26a) He goes on to explain that He gave man dominion over the earth, and all the animals He created. God further explains that He intentionally created us male and female (Gen. 1:27). So He created our bodies to be different and gave us specific uses for those differences.
God continues in the next verse (Gen. 1:28) by telling us to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” Sex is God’s designed method for procreation and populating the earth. So God created us as sexual beings and created us to populate the earth to which we are also called to subdue it and have dominion over it.
Chapter two of Genesis goes into more detail about how God formed man and breathed the breath of life into him and how He created woman from the rib of man. Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18). Then a few verses later we see God describe what the covenant of marriage looks like. Marriage is between one man and one woman. They leave their parents and hold tightly to their new spouse. They have become one flesh under their new marriage union or covenant (Gen. 2:24).
Next, God designs sex to be enjoyed only by married couples. Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Here God clearly states that we should not be involved sexually with anyone that we are not married to. This includes any sexual activity before marriage (fornication) or any sexual activity with someone other than our spouse during marriage (adultery). Sex is reserved only for your lifelong spouse.
God sets boundaries for sexual purity to protect us. These boundaries are helpful because it could be 10 to 15 years or longer from when your son or daughter learns about sex until they walk down the aisle. That’s assuming that they get married. Paul gives us a couple of reasons why we need to pursue sexual purity and run from sexual immorality. First Corinthians chapter six lays out a few of these reasons. First, Paul explains that our bodies are meant to honor God, not just pursue personal pleasure (1 Cor. 6:13). In fact, as believers in Jesus Christ, our bodies are a temple or home for the Holy Spirit that resides within us (1 Cor. 6:19). We want to flee sexual immorality or adultery because that is sin against God and grieves the Holy Spirit that is guiding us.
Likewise, Paul makes a connection of the one flesh relationship that God used to define marriage in Genesis. He also warns against us making that one flesh relationship (the act of sex) with anyone outside of marriage. He explains that that type of personal connection or physical relationship with someone outside of marriage is contradictory to the way a believer is to live (1 Cor. 6:15-17). Additionally, he seems to place a higher weight on sexual sin since it occurs inside our body, as opposed to outside our body (1 Cor. 6:18). All sin is equal and all sin carries consequences. But often times the ramifications and consequences of sexual sin can have dramatic physical, emotional, and spiritual effects for the rest of your life. Such things like sexual transmitted diseases (STD’s), sexual disorders, physical disabilities, guilt, fear, shame, pregnancy, and the list goes on.
Paul’s final point from First Corinthians is that the debt from our sinful nature has been paid for by Jesus Christ on the cross (1 Cor. 6:19-20). Therefore, we are not our own or we are no longer in charge. So then, we need to live in a way that brings glory to God through living lives of sexual purity. Paul makes a similar point to the church in Ephesus. “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Eph. 5:3). And Paul makes the same point to the church in Thessalonica. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7). Living lives of sexual purity is important to God.
As you have this conversation with your son or daughter, explain why saving yourself sexually for your future spouse is a special gift. That it is God’s plan for our life. ‘Don’t do it’, ‘sex is a bad thing’, ‘yuck’, or ‘gross’ are not good answers to their questions. Avoiding the conversation is not a good solution either. Instead, talk about sex and sexual purity openly, honestly, and biblically. In the years to come, this will lead to more conversations regarding dating, boundaries, sex, sexual purity, lust, self-pleasure, and so on. God’s Word is full of truth regarding these areas (For example: Col. 3:5; Job 31:1; Matt. 5:28; 1 Tim. 4:12).
Some of these resources will be good for the parents to read, others for the student to read at some point. There is a plethora of material on sexual purity, dating, and so on. Here are a few:
Every Young Man’s Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation. By Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker.
God on Sex: The Creator’s Ideas About Love, Intimacy and Marriage. By Daniel Akin
True Love Waits Material.
True Love Project: 40 Days of Purity for Guys. By Clayton King
Pure Joy: God’s Formula for Passionate Living. By Matt Tullos, Paul Turner, and Kristi Cherry.
Love, Dating, … and Other Insanities: Relationships Without Regret. By Clayton King and Stephen Furtick